The f*g h*g grows up

Grace Byron heaps praise on the FH.

In 2024 film Stress Positions, Theda Hammel plays the straight, female best friend (aka fag hag) to John Early’s gay uncle (guncle), just the latest sign that the FH is cashing in on her cultural currency. “I want to have sex with a gay guy,” Anora supporting actress Ivy Wolk tweeted last year. She’s not the only one. Ira Sachs’ Passages (2023) features a gay partnership in shambles after one of the men impregnates a woman. Challengers, of course, features Zendaya making her two Ken dolls kiss on the lips. Ethel Cain readily admits to watching gay porn: “That’s so fun.”

It's not that the FH hasn't been around the past decade, she’s just usually been in a codependent relationship with her male counterpart—the gay best friend. Since about 2018 or so though, the GBF has been able to stand on his own two feet. Think Troye Sivan and his army of scallion dancers. It seemed, for a time, the FH and GBF were on an equal playing field. Then came Brat. The fag hag strikes back. And this time she’s a party demon in lime green decked out in sunglasses pushing her hair back to bump that. Gay guys get features, not lead roles. 

This is where the parasitic feedback loop lies—both sides of the coin now think they are the ones with the keys to the kingdom. Either: a level-headed view of gay guy world or the coveted penthouse party evite. Which side has hotter guys is always up for debate. Sometimes the good ones are gay. But that doesn’t usually mean they’re nicer. Both sides of the equation have grown chilly to outsiders. It’s only right to toughen up in an icy climate for minorities. 

The FH may be trans or cis, it doesn't matter as much as her ability to hang, to keep up, to not care about gay sex (one way or the other). She's never a lesbian. That requires a different level of solidarity and cross-cultural references. She may love a good martini with a plate of fries. Girl dinner. A little halterneck and jeans, maybe a kitten heel. Or just a sparkly pink dress—but she’s a far cry from the FH of yesteryear. 

This isn’t Hannah to Elijah in Girls, it’s more like Carrie to Stanford or Charlotte to Anthony in Sex and the City but with an elevated roster of references. This new generation of FH didn’t come of age watching Will & Grace. More likely than not, she’s watched a lot of Lady Gaga memes, keeps tabs on prestige drama like Succession, and listens to Tinashe. She’s friends with the gays because they have the invite to the good parties now. Got a bump? 

Of course, the FH has gotten sexier over the years. She’s no longer a side chick, a prude, or a villain. She’s the main event. Even if gay guys have picked up some cultural cachet, she remains in the spotlight. She makes sure of it. Gay guy stan culture is, ultimately, about the economic and cultural empowerment of straight women. Give her that trophy. She’s at the top of the charts. Most friend groups have their own microcosm. Gay guys like Bowen Yang, Matt Rogers, and Sivan are stanning the likes of Rachel Sennott, Ariana Grande, Blizzy Maguire, and Ethel Cain. The less famous gay guys and their girls could also be slotted in here. 

As usual, the French have a unique take on the FH. Films like Anatomy of Hell (2004) and A Summer Dress both feature women pursuing gay men to fulfill a sort of spiritual debasement at the hands of another. In the latter 1996 short film directed by François Ozon, a young sleek gay man is annoyed by his bleach blond twink boyfriend lip syncing a French version of “Bang Bang” so he goes to the beach and ends up having sex with a woman. Only afterward does he tell her it’s his first time with the fairer sex. “For a gay boy, you’re a pretty good lay,” she ribs. She laughs and gives him her dress so he doesn’t have to bike home in the nude. Once there, his bleach blond boyfriend fucks him with gusto. The erotic discharge flows from one end of the chain to the next. 

I’ve been on both sides of the equation: the fag and the hag. Both can, at times, allow for a smug sense of superiority. The adjacency of Charli XCX to queer culture has certainly been a boon to her career, allowing her the cutting edge prowess of producers, performers, and artists. She’s often the first to admit she owes her career to the gays—a common refrain among icons like Lady Gaga, Idina Menzel, Naomi Campbell, and Cher. This kind of projective identification goes both ways. It’s a toss up who’s playing who. The girl with the last vodka soda may just have the last laugh. 🍸

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